Did the Stonewall veterans, who launched their revolutionary rebellion 42 years ago this month, ever imagine that their wild struggle would culminate in two dorky plaster brides holding hands atop a wedding cake almost half a century later? But strange, and sometimes wonderful, are the ways of history, and a furious drag queen uprooting a parking meter on Christopher Street in 1969 can “evolve” (like the president’s position on gay marriage) to more than half the nation now saying they are in favor of equality.
So, assuming you have found your life partner, how will you two celebrate your big day? And more important, will your nuptials take place in New York, or will you and your loved ones be forced to schlep to Massachusetts or Connecticut? (As I write this, the state legislature in Albany is still dithering about granting this basic human right.)
To mark the occasion, wherever it takes place, I decide to take a look at the very special things you can buy to honor your commitment, which, at least in some locales, can be solemnized with so much more than a commitment ceremony. First off: Those cake toppers on gay-ephemera websites, it soon becomes clear, are, alas, usually just the same depressing grooms or brides purloined and paired up from a heterosexual wedding cake, so imagine how happy I am when I find, at Wedding Collectibles, two miniature gals clad in jeans and tees, with authentically lank hair, poised to top a tower of vegan cupcakes. If these lovebirds fail to excite, Lesbian Wedding Cake Toppers has — no kidding — a pair of cats sporting veils.
Over at GayWeddings.com (why wasn’t I prescient enough to register this domain name years ago?), a category called “Fun” is rather disappointing, as it contains only Her and Her — or His and His — hand towels. Better to look under “Gifts,” where 50 rainbow-colored fortune cookies are primed to hold personalized messages.
The purportedly gay wedding rings at Love and Pride don’t look that much different from any other wedding band you’ve ever seen, but come to think of it, what exactly would make a ring “gay”? On the other hand, a company called Smiling Walrus (but why? Is this what anyone, regardless of sexual orientation, wants to look like?) has wedding invitations that feature, among other patterns, a pair of headless cartoon grooms wearing green leis (it’s called “Tropical Grooms”). A far more dignified invite is on tap from a site called Outvite, where two tasteful male cameos adorn a lovely blue background (though, come to think of it, the tropical grooms are probably a lot more fun to hang out with than this prissy duo).
But the more you search, the more you realize that most gay wedding sites end up offering the same awful stuff that blights the straight sites: mirrored “I Do” cake toppers, Hershey’s Kisses, even custom refrigerator magnet favors bearing the happy couple’s names. (Note: It is rude to deposit these in the catering hall trash can, where they might be discovered. Wait until you get home.) So in the end, what is the difference between a corny, tear-inducing, sometimes really boring, sometimes really uplifting, gay wedding and its heterosexual counterpart? The answer will surprise no one: absolutely nothing. Happy Pride.
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